Happy New Year!!!

I know I’m 8 days late, but I’ve been busy.. It has taken me 8 days to figure out what most declare on the 31^st.  I have never done resolutions.  A resolution is something that you make when making simple changes hasn’t worked.  Or when you’ve done something, and it bites you in the ass so you decide to quit doing it…on the 31^st.  It takes me a couple of days to just back and say ok where am I going this year. 

Last year

Disclaimer:  These statements are about me… it in no way is meant to cast a shadow on my better half …lol..

I was Newly married and had no clue what the year would bring, hell I wasn’t steering it.  I think I was in lala land looking out a window, and my car just happened to stay in the street…  A lot of things happened that I wish wouldn’t have.  I LEARNED a hell of a lot in my 1^st year in marriage.  I found myself towards the middle of the year and realized that just because I was NEW doesn’t mean I needed to be lead by the hand.  Sometimes, when something is so new and so uninhibited, you tend to automatically take the passenger seat especially when the driver has driven on that road before.  You take that drivers opinions of that road and you adjust yourself to what is “natural”.  Instead of taking the wheel and just driving, I found myself questioning every movement as if it were wrong.  Even if it felt right…..

If you have followed me for awhile, you KNOW I love analogies… it makes things simple.  And if you know me you know I like simple.  NO ONE reads the manual to a car or new phone when they get it… We just cut “it” on.. and we try and figure “it” out ourselves…and based on the past or what we remember others doing we pretty much guess on what to do and what not to do… We all know where the manual is, we all know right and wrong way of doing things… the only time we go to a manual is when “it” breaks or does something abnormal… Now two things can happen when “it” malfunctions… You can say oh well and get a new one…. Even though you’ve invested time, emotion, energy, and money into “it”…. Or you fix “it”…. My air bag went off…my phone refused to send signals…lol… and…Well I had to go to the manual… my personality is one that I hate failure..I like being able to show that I managed to keep something working.

Example:   I have a 97 Grand Jeep Cherokee.. body is in good condition… inside looks brand new… because I put work into it… it runs smooth…  one morning it wouldn’t start.. transmission was gone… now everyone around me had newer cars, and of course car notes… so the minute they heard me say I needed a new transmission they said… you should save that $3000 and use it as a down payment on a new car… you have great credit… that’s what I would do… Not once thinking 11yrs still looks like new… first major problem ever had… fix it…

Anyway… I had some old ways that I brought into my new life… I have a habit of shutting down when ever I feel like it…I go into my own little world and shutting everyone else out… When I was told that these old ways weren’t healthy in my marriage… my defenses went up and my stubborn nature took over… and I basically ignored the problem… Bad Idea I know that NOW… I’m not ashamed to say that I didn’t feel communication was that important in marriage.. Especially when I felt like that’s the only part of me I could control…  What I learned is that marriage isn’t about controlling the other person.  It’s about adapting and merging… coinciding and evolving…nurturing and protecting… loving and communicating… BUT… it’s also about being able to keep ones identity… If you can’t be yourself.. you definitely can’t be happy… So after reading the manual… I realized a lot about myself… and a lot about my marriage… I found out what makes me happy and that just because you’ve been on a road before doesn’t mean the experience will be the same the second time… I’ve said it before I felt like the beginning of my marriage I was quoting one of Shakespeare’s plays…Screaming “Out damn spot out”… No matter how much you want to rid yourself of the past… it is what it is… the past… you can paint over it… you can out perform it… you can not speak of it… it will always be part of you… The easiest way to control it… is acknowledging… understanding.. and over looking… it… and continue living…

Don’t get me I’m not blaming the driver.  It’s natural to avoid bumps that you’ve felt before, to not allow short cuts because of past mishaps, or to disregard new directions because they may seem unfamiliar.  It’s quite natural to try to stay two steps ahead of what made you fail the first time… I think this year WE realized that it’s a lesson… We have learned from mistakes and now we live…

This Year

I am continuing the stride I started.  I will not let 08 determine my life in 09… I openly would like to experience new problems… I encourage new fights… I look forward to new outcomes… I acknowledge that the past will resurface at the most unpredictable times… I understand that no one has control over this… I enjoy the fact that Katt Williams said if I had haters I’m doing something right… I willingly admit I have the greatest husband in the world.. and…. I welcome all jealousy… Hi Haters..

Peace.. and Love…

Yes...

and at first it was innocent tweets… I thought I could control myself… you know balance the two.. well four.. I know I’m a social whore.. I love new networks… and even though I have stretched myself thin… I still stay with you.. You were loyal to me.. I wrote my first blog here.. but.. It’s so addicting… the way I can just say what I feel…and instantly.. there’s a response… The fact that I talked to MCHammer, Qtip, Quest, and Luda is amazing… Vibe and Essence… I just can’t stop… and as much as I miss you.. I’m infatuated with it… Oh twitter… you have me… LMAO!!!

I promise to blog more but honestly I’ve been caught up twittering… If you haven’t joined join… it’s fun and addicting… oh and add meJ

http://www.twitter.com/mochalight

Hell to the Naw... So I watched Cadillac Records this weekend.  It is actually a decent movie.  I believe every character played the hell out of their parts… except Beyonce.  I’m sorry they could have found someone else to play Etta… And to say that this woman is Oscar Worthy…ha ha ha… Because she said “Cum Stains” and “Fuck” a lot… Nooo She is far from an Oscar worthy actress… I heard she put money behind this movie… Also heard Etta wasn’t to pleased with Beyonce playin her..

Sista Etta was a thickin… not what people call Beyonce now… That’s not thick…sorry.. I mean so yeah Beyonce is light skinned and you let her eye brows grow out… don’t mean she’s Etta… And the point of playing somebody else in a movie… you’re suppose to sound like that person… When Jamie played Ray… you heard Ray… Somebody should tell Beyonce that..

I love Lil Walter..lol… He reminded me of a throw back Mystical…lmao!!!! All in all it’s a good lil flick.. But all this BS about Beyonce being Oscar worthy…it’s just that BS!!!

It’s been a year..Wow.. Can I be honest.. Yesterday I was flooded with so many emotions.  Mostly negative… Mostly the “what I shoulda did” situations came to my mind.  Yeah in my first year of marriage I think I was set-up… I was waiting on someone to pop out and scream… Gotcha.. The whirlwind of what is suppose to be… I learned the hard way.. That in marriage there is no “suppose to be”…

Your first year of marriage is suppose to be new, fresh, uninhabited, and raw… It’s suppose to be bumpy especially when personalities are trying to mesh… The thing of it is.. I can read people very well.. I pay attention to detail and ways…I can tell you pretty much your actions before you even respond… I knew my husband before he knew me… I knew who he was… I knew his ways.. I knew he had a habit of covering up things to save face…. I knew he had female friends who wanted him… and I knew because of his “leave no enemies” personality… They would always be a problem in my life…  

Well when you go into a union with someone who has scars… and we all have scars but when they are from a previous marriage they tend to be fresher..or easily aggravated… My husband didn’t deserve the treatment he got from his first marriage… and I went into our marriage trying to fix the things that she messed-up.. Allowing certain actions because she didn’t… Basically letting my husband be a man… And not speaking up… As much as people think Ex-wives make marriage hell for the new wife… I haven’t dealt with that…

I finally can check my mail and not see shit for her… The fact that I wrote return to sender on every piece of mail that came to my house… Our mail lady even circled back around once when she saw me throw mail back in the box and lift the flag up… She laughed and said “It’ll stop soon”… and it did…

I have pretty much replaced every piece of furniture in our house.. Repainted.. planning on pulling out the sinks and tubs in both bathrooms next year and replacing them.. The back yard is getting a deck and we’re placing our hot tub in the ground… So the house we share was from his previous marriage.. And as much as people asked Why would you stay in a house that his ex lived in… Or how did he GET to keep the house… Well he kept the house because he had no reason to give it up… They both fought for it, and he ended up with it… because… My daughters school is in walking distance… the neighborhood is decent, we live in a cultisack  and our back yard is to die for….I have no reason of wanting to sale… So, I can deal with the fact that someone was there before… but trust, once I get done with it… It will be a home… not just a house were love had no place….

Back to 366… I ramble… sorry… So what was I sayin… oh.. I didn’t have to deal with the Ex… But I did have to deal with Pathetic side kicks… You know the ones that came before and during my early presence… My husband tells me all the time that I have received death wishes and hate threats… Which I can understand… How the hell can she take what I’ve put so much effort in.. those 3 hour hotel excursions meant something damnit… lol.. not.. She gets the Royal treatment and I can’t even get a meal… My husband writes me off on his taxes… He claims I am his most expensive date ever…The first year we met he showed me my name in his QuickBooks… He says I was a business expense then… now I’m a partner.. who knew…

My first year I had to find my swing.. I had a habit of bunting when there was no need... Now I’m swinging at everything… which also isn’t good but hey… I connect more than miss… I realize that the majority of my unhappiness came from me not voicing my concerns… The majority of my husbands unhappiness came from me waiting until he asked me 1000 times “what’s wrong” and then 3 days later saying.. ya know… you did this and that… My husband lives in the now.. as in Life is too short… I F’d up… we said sorrys… so lets move on… Whereas I am more of an  “I am mad… and I deserve to hold it in until it explodes” after the explosion I still want to nurse my wounds… And because I am a woman I get to bring it up repeatedly every time I get mad… That’s were we bump heads..

But 366 days later my husband knows me… he knows when I am feeling low.. he knows when I’m pissed off… and he knows when to just let me throw my pity party… He knows WE made a lot of mistakes 365 days ago.. But now on day 366… I’m happy… I would personally send every woman that my husband dealt with fruit cakes but that would be tacky…lol..

We won’t bring the past up.. (yeah let’s pray about that there)… And we won’t let trash from the past find it’s way into our lives… It’s trash when we come across it… throw it away again… it will always be just that trash……

366 The start of new…

Tomorrow is my Moms birthday... She’ll be 52.. I looked at the calendar and I almost choked.. So while I look through flowers, I feel the need to share my mom ..

My mom is the youngest of 5 siblings.. 4 of which are still living.. She is the baby.. and the more I age the more I see where I exactly get my demeanor from.. Not her personality, but her ways … My mom is Sarcastic.. So sarcastic, you might take her seriously.. She’s not a kissy huggy mom… Well not with me she wasn’t.. However, with My sister she was… I think I was the wake-up call to adulthood for her… she was 19 when I was conceived.. 20 when I was born.. As a Grandmother she is very affectionate.. As a mother.. as my mother.. She wasn’t…She expected a lot.. I knew everything, and she let me think I did.. She allowed me to make mistakes, she got in my ass and reminded me of them daily… I see her when I look in the mirror now.. Especially when it comes to my relationship with my daughter…

I can’t help but think about our journey… My earliest memory of my mom was when I had chicken pox the second time around (had chicken pox twice… once when I was 2 and the other when I was 3 ½  and I also had a mild case of small pox when I was 9)... I remember my mom telling me not to touch my face..(which didn’t work) I remember running around with socks taped to my hands.. I was about 2 ½…

I remember my Oma (grandmother) more than my mom at that age… My Oma explained the world to me… She told me to smile at everyone, it makes people comfortable.. She taught me how to order bread at the bakery, how to tell the difference between meats at the butchers, and how to pee outside..lol…She let me set the table during Tea time… (FYI.. Right after lunch, and about 2 hours before dinner).. She let me make Crepes in the morning and mash the potatoes for dinner… She explained the reason people stared at us… and the reason she squeezed my hand so tight when we went in the city…She protected me… She is the reason why I am “sweet”. My childhood years in Germany and every Summer up until I was 14 helped to mold me into who I am… I think that’s why I identify with Barack so much… not because he’s Bi-Racial like me… but because he had a mother that wasn’t the same color as him.. and because his Grandmother molded him…

The majority of my memories with me and my mom were after we moved to the States… I wish I had her “take no shit” attitude… When people watched us, she spoke up… When black women frowned, she spoke up.. Anything I wanted to pursue.. She made it happen.. When I threw a fit the first day of 3^rd grade when they made us fill out our nationality… She came to the school and told the Principle if she wants to mark both let her… It wasn’t until I was in the 6^th grade that Other would be my choice… and that stands today… My Drivers License says Other… My Passport says other… and voters card says Other…Why Other??… (Blog For Another Day) When I wanted to Swim… She paid the outrageous fee’s… She was at every competition… Cheered the loudest when I won my heat… When I made the relay team She hugged me… I won my first real trophy.. They even did a story about me on the local news when I came back from nationals in Florida… My mom wouldn’t let them ask me how I felt being the only black swimmer at my competitions.. So the story was pretty much based around the Girls relay team win… I don’t know if it was because I was the only black swimmer on the team, or if it was to make sure no one wronged me… But she was always there…Or maybe she just felt comfortable around people who looked like her for 4 hours… When my Dad was laid off in 88 I had to quit the team… She couldn’t afford to pay $150 a week for swimming lessons… I took up basketball to replace swimming… It was free… my mom didn’t come to many of my games.. It wasn’t until I was in the news paper every week that she took interest.. She never understood the game… but I could tell she was kinda proud… Come to think of it… I have had many “15 minutes of fame” growing up…lol..

Anyway My mom is my hero… We share something… As an Adult I get her… I am more prone to hug on her when I come home… Say I love you before we hang up… We don’t call each other often.. I think about her every day… but in the “we share something” sense… I know she thinks about me too… I also know she is JUST like me or I am just like her..lol.. I can function with out hearing her.. seeing her… but lately I find myself calling a little more… She functions with out me.. My Aunt says it’s because she knows I can fend for myself… And if I ever need anything I don’t hesitate to ask… She knew that from when I was a child… How when I was young, I entertained myself… and when I needed mom, I would go to her… My daughter was the same way… She would play for hours alone… With her imaginary friends… Now not so much… She needs attention… When I am not home.. She tortures her dad… And when he’s not home she begs him to come home..lol..

My mom deserves to retire and just travel… but even if I hit the lottery and gave all the money to her.. she’d probably start another business and work again… As Grown woman I think I appreciate my mom more now then I did when I was younger.. And that’s a good thing… So I picked Lily’s and roses’… Just a lil something to make her smile…until I hit the big one…

Fall is here.. I love it.. I have a wish list of boots… all styles and colors… I am in the mood to sweater shop.. I love turtle necks… especially big necked turtle necks… I love Jackie Coats… Kennedy that is.. I love fall colors… I loved burnt orange and olive green.. deep browns…. My fascination with brown is ridiculous.. My husbands favorite color is brown… We have that in common… It’s soothing… The colors in my house are mostly in the fall style… except… the bath rooms… The guest bath I experimented in… I still reverted to brown… Our Master bath… yep still has a tone of brown… We like Brown… I need some more pictures in both of those bathrooms… I should look…lmao

I love October and November…. It has to do with the weather and Thanksgiving…. Snuggle time is in full effect at my house Then there is the obsession with having the fan on in a cold house… Extra thick cover on the bed… I imagine us looking like a double stuffed croissant in bed…lmao!!!Bed… I could be there right now… yeah I need new sheets and a comforter… I should look… lol..

The next four weeks are jammed packed…my sisters getting Married Saturday…so that entails a road trip to the Sip (Mississippi)… there of course I will get hubby to partake in my Southern Favs..lol.. Hey I ate Roti with Curry chicken, potatoes, and chick peas at our dinner rehearsal and we even ate it in St. Croix… yeah it gave us the runs…I know now you can’t eat EVERY body’s  Roti… I haven’t brought myself to eat Goat yet… I know its psychological..I just can’t..lol..

What else.. oh my husbands (guys only) trip to The Dominican Republic… I am still thinking of a girls only trip…As long as the hot tub is up and running before he leaves I’m ok.. Then there’s Birthdays… My Mom’s… and My hubby’s… then Our Anniversary.. J and then it’s Thanksgiving… Nothing makes days go by faster than Events… Then it’s Christmas… and another new year…wow… I have gifts to buy… Wedding, birthdays, and anniversary… I need to hit up Hallmark…lol

Well this is me at work bored out of my mind… and thinking of everything imaginable… I need to get my eyebrows waxed and my nails done… that’s my lunch break… lol..

Hey who doesn’t have needs…

And here's what's in store for ya'll with issue #6. This poster was drawn by me and background colors done by bigdaddybuk. Be on the look out for #6!

Been through the storm and rain…and I made it… lmao.. God it feels so good to type on an actual keyboard instead of my phone… There were points during the past 3 days that I wanted to scream because my phone was acting funny… but I forgave Mr. Mogul… Well Ike wasn’t like that Bitch Rita..lol She threatened that she would do damage but she came had everybody running away and when she left there was little trace of damage… Ike did the damn thang though he actually told us he was coming… he had foreplay with the coast line for 15 hours and then put it on us… Leg is still shaken… That Damn Ike… lol…

House…

As the storm hit we laid in bed listening… Playing the “there went a shingle” game… Hubby called the Satellite the moment it ripped, luckily it wasn’t the new one we just had installed…We had cosmetic damage our shed folded like a house of cards… The fence on both sides fell…But Our little friends next door with the animal kingdom fixed there side within 30 minutes so all there animals can go back into the yard… I can just imagine the smell…. Our Hot tub called Ike out… It said F*ck you..lmao.. Ike only managed to get a little piece of wood from it… I call it a war scar… All I can say is We’re Blessed…

No Lights

Oh what fun… In a house where 95% of the entertainment is gadget oriented.. We were running low… Ps2 was powered… Laptop Powered… Phones Powered…. Sunday DEAD…lol… By Monday we had our Generator going….We have a gas stove so cooking has been my new game… Finding a way to heat up frozen pancakes and reheat left over food has been a blast… Because we have Satellite we didn’t have to endure the looping of pictures and news that the 4 channels had provided… I made a roast, rice and green beans… Bought 4 different kinds of beer from Target… Beck’s actually might replace my Heineken fix … What is killing me right now…. Dirty clothes… I bought 2 packs of clean underwear for everyone in the house… Washerteria… will be my friend on my next off day… I refuse to spend a whole day washing clothes at home…. All I can say is We’re Blessed…

Kemah

We knew… I think Saturday Morning around 5 am…If Ike Shook the shit outta our house, I already knew what he did to my Husbands Business in Kemah… The question was how bad… He drove there yesterday… 2 hours after he left the house I got a text… Everything’s Gone… The thing is… It’s ok…I repeated this…Because it is… My husband is the hardest working man I know… He is brilliant beyond words…and his imagination is unbelievable… My husband is what I call the Personal Entertainment in Kemah… and at the Downtown Aquarium… You don’t leave either place…especially The  Kemah Boardwalk with out an Airbrushed Shirt, Hat, or name plate… or a Caricature… and the kiddos don’t want to leave without getting there faces painted… The first restaurant will open in a couple of weeks and the call was already made… “We need you to supply something”… So When you head out to the Kemah Boardwalk in the next couple of weeks and you see kids walking around with their faces painted, you see couples walking away smiling holding up an image one of his artists drew or an Airbrushed T-Shirt being worn that was personalized by one of the greatest BLACK Artist’s Houston has ever seen … I am Blessed…let me correct that We are Blessed…

BTW… Issue #5 is coming!!!!

last two pages are being drawn as we speak…

http://www.thedogyears.com